Hugs and Kisses

What I think I know and what I actually know are not the same.  I had one of those moments when I realized I didn't know what I was doing and maybe I never did.  I fumbled my way to where I am now.  Arriving at this aha moment has me thinking that maybe I am not preparing my children for the journey before them.  How can I possibly know I am doing the right thing?  The thought of raising my children the best I can and then crossing my fingers as I send them out into the world feels like I didn't study for a test and I worry the whole time until I get that grade.  I realized recently that my every thought is consumed with concerns for my boy.  I don't think I will ever be happy with my performance when it comes to raising him.  I am wondering now if I have challenged him enough.  I don't expect enough from him.  I expect kisses and hugs.  Kisses and hugs will lead him down a bumpy road on his journey if he can't take care of himself.  I do worry about my girl in the same way but with less concern.  I worry that she didn't know what a laundromat was until recently.  She thought it was a mat that went in the laundry room.  Sheltered? Yes.  It is funny when I think about her future, all I want for her is to experience life, travel and try new things.  I want her to spread her wings.  I think about my boy's future all the time too.  I want him engaged and trying new things.  I want him to be active in his community without judgement.  I would like for him to be able to pursue his passions. Yes, that is what I want.  I don't know what my children want to do with their future but as long as it isn't littered with bad choices, drugs or jail and they are happy I guess that will be our final grade.